Click on January in the BLOG ARCHIVE to see the Ordination Slide-Show

Seven Times To Say I'm Sorry

"I'm Sorry” . . .

• When I'm wrong
• When I'm careless
• When I'm rude
• When I'm defensive
• When I'm impatient
• When I'm negative
• When I'm hurtful

The five worst places to resolve conflict:

• In front of the TV
• In front of the kids
• In public
• In transit
• From different rooms

Brain Funk

Sometimes I feel stuck in my mind, if there can be such a thing. I've noticed throughout my lifetime that I go into what I call a brain funk. It's like when you eat too much ice cream and freeze your brain for a few seconds, only this lasts a little longer. . . like a pause while thoughts have the chance to travel on little journeys to be processed and become all they were meant to be as they think about super busy projects or a very stressful situations coming up, etc.


If I'm not careful I could be "traveling" for days . . . in a strange kind of daze, pausing here and there in my mind wondering what I ought to be doing and how I ought to be doing it, instead of coming into the rest stop.

One of the things I HAVE learned, however, is to try and do at least one of the things on my mind as soon as I can - that's all - and go to bed! (If you know me, you know that this processing usually happens at night!) Sadly, I have been a night owl from birth. BUT . . . aren't Proverbs 31 women supposed to get up very early, before everyone else, and bake bread from scratch and all kinds of other stuff like that? I know . . . I've always felt bad about not getting up real early - but not this chick-a-dee! Just can't do it! It even says in my baby book that "she loves to sleep in." So, I blame this "birth defect" entirely on my mother - ha! At least I have a lot of energy in the evening.

Everyone will have a better outlook in the morning when rested and ready to face the day - night owl or not! Therefore, tonight I am writing this one thing . . .


and going to bed!





ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Who We Are, Is Who We Were

As most of you know my husband and I live apart during the week, and then he comes home each weekend. Fr Dad, "Papa," then spends time with the family before he heads back down to Camp Lejeune (130 miles away) to repeat the process all over again for the next week. He is what is called a Geo-bachelor Chaplain at Camp Lejeune.



We spend a lot of time on the telephone (as you can well imagine), of course, and writing emails back and forth, and I wanted to share one email that he sent to me recently. It is especially significant during this Lenten Season and I pray this small glimpse into our lives will bless you in a measure as it did (and does) me:


Honey,

I love you and miss you a lot when I'm down here at the Marine base during the week. Even though we've been married for so long, I still understand that we have so much room to grow in our relationship, and I'm thankful that this growth will never stop. As we work our way through this Great Lent, I pray that whatever things I've said or done in the past that have caused you pain are fading to the point where your feelings and needs for ever increasing security with me are now stronger than ever. Yet I've learned enough to know that the past never really goes away, and that the mistakes we make and the thoughtless things we say and do, no matter how small, still can cause pain. I don't ever want to be like those stupid men who say "can't we just put this behind us?", because they really don't understand how much the past always remains a part of us.

I often remember the line from "Amastad" where John Quincy Adams eloquently lays out that most profound truth about our past:

Remember? (From the movie Amistad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amistad_%281997_film%29)

"What we've come to understand ... what we've been made to understand ... is that who we are ... is who we were!"

Everything we've thought about, acted upon, dreamed about and slipped into in the past comprises who we are now. That's why it's so important to be constantly repentant, and to focus on the good, the pure, and the things that are of good report, so that the future holds blessings for us and not curses. As we now know, the blessings or the curses that come upon us from God do not come from His capriciousness, but from Him in a singular flow of "energy," the effect of which is determined by our heart's disposition.

As we continue to move through this Lenten time, please forgive me for the stupid little lapses in caring for you, like the hurtful things I've said to you now and then. I feel very bad when it happens! And although I can't take them back I pray that having experienced the pain of what uttering them does to you, I will think more than twice before saying things like them again.

All my love,
+Me


We've come along way in our almost 36 years of marriage! It's easy to bring up things in the past (in an instant, actually!), and it can be painful sometimes. But it's who we are, because "who we are, IS who we were! I don't think I would change a thing now. And, if I were to "undo" anything, then I wouldn't be who I am now, and wouldn't be where I am in my life now.

(Having faith) Fight the good fight - Wage the good warfare! (1 Timothy 1:19)

The Weekly Window

Have you heard about The Weekly Window? Jesse and Elina Pelikan (our older son and daugher-in-law) have recently created this site for you to see and listen to the stories and origins of the pricious Icons of the Holy Orthodox Church. Explore the beauty of Iconography each week by visiting: http://weeklywindow.com/

I have provided a link to this site on the side bar under "Check This Out"

The Many Faces of Elijah - 4 1/2 months old

Some recent shots taken of Elijah. I thought it would be fun to see some of the different looks he has.

What a doll, huh?

And he has the personality to match! He's as sweet as can be, and a little cuddle-bug too!

Surviving the Hard Stuff

Step Three (step one and two are written earlier)

Learn how to catch the wave as it breaks/Face the hard stuff head on!

This is a picture of how I imagine a perfect day at the beach. Leisurely swims, holding hands and just basking in the sun.

But , of course just as in life, this isn't always reality! Often times it will look like this and whoa . . . you find yourself having to go out in the water anyway (for some reason). If this is the case, there is one thing to keep in mind:

Never slow down for an incoming wave; always charge straight into it.

I will never forget the feeling of exhilaration at figuring out how to do this. Suddenly the fear that had haunted me in previous attempts of venturing out into the bigger surf was reduced exponentially! I finally had it! The knowledge and skill I needed to navigate safely to the other side, even though the wave was HUGE! I finally knew that in larger surf I should dive under the waves and not try to swim through it, or (God forbid) try to jump over the treachery. If the surf was too big, I could dive straight through, but when the wave was really big, I must dive to the bottom and grab some sand and then bring my feet to my hands and push up at 45 degrees to the back of the wave above me. Before I knew it, I would be safely BEHIND the big wave!

When we see the hard stuff coming at us in life, whether at home or at work, we must try to face it head on and charge straight into it. Learn the exhilaration of facing the situation by diving into it with God’s plan for conquering the task at hand. Even if it seems overwhelming and far too big to handle, we can dive into it, under it, and then up and through it, just like the wave. The key--practice, practice, practice -- and a whole lot of bravery!

Here are a few things the Bible has to say to us about it:

"I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Nevertheless, you have done well with me to share in my affliction." (Philippians 4:12-13)

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm." (Ephesians 6:10-13)

Happy Birthday, Rondi

The family gathered together at our house to celebrate Rondi's 28th birthday on Saturday - two days early. Her actual birthday is TODAY! Happy Birthday, Rondi!

We all love you, and hope you are having a great day! We pray God grant you many more wonderful birthdays!

We had birthday cake and pizza!

Misha showed Great Grandpa her creation.

500 Visits!

Today marks the 500th visit to my blog since I started keeping track of everyone visiting, beginning on 2/4/08. Thank you! Please feel free to share this blog with whomever you wish. My next goal is to hit the 1000th visit mark.



In celebration, I'm sharing one of my favorite inspirational stories. I hope it inspires you as it has me. Enjoy!



THE DAFFODIL PRINCIPLE

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. "I will come next Tuesday," I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren, I said, "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!" My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother."

"Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her. "I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car. How far will we have to drive?" "Just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this." After several minutes, I had to ask, "Where are we going? This isn't the way to the garage!" "We're going to my garage the long way," Carolyn smiled, "by way of the daffodils." "Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around." "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign that read, "Daffodil Garden." We got out of the car and each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow. Each different colored variety was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.

"But who has done this?" I asked Carolyn. "It's just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking" was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and very little brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958."

There it was, The Daffodil Principle. For me, that moment was a life changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun one bulb at a time to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world.

This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of ineffable (indescribable) magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time - often just one baby step at a time - and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn, “what might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!" My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.

It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"


Author Unknown

Click on January in the BLOG ARCHIVE to see the Ordination Slide-Show

Forgive -- and live longer

Generally psychologists are not known for supporting values such as forgiveness and honesty. If anything psychologists support what today could be called post-Modernism or moral relativism. So, I kept a short little article from Prevention Magazine (April 2005), and thought it was surprisingly relevant and worth repeating from time to time:

Forgive--and live longer

Self-healing can come through forgiving others, but it's not easy. Marc Ian Barasch, author of Field Notes on the Compassionate Life (published by Rodale, which publishes Prevention) notes that now you can seek help.

Experts say holding a grudge raises levels of damaging stress hormones. Over time, this can harm the heart and raise risk of depression.

But forgiving takes time and effort, says Barasch. Psychologists and counselors trained in "forgiveness therapy" can help by getting patients to confront their anger and understand the other person's motives.

Isn't it interesting that the "professional" world is finally coming around to what we in the Church have known for two thousand years?

"The asking of forgiveness and one of the holiest and sanctifying of these traditions, the Mystery of Confession and Absolution is especially to be employed during the start of this Lenten season. The true follower of Christ, committed to imitate Him, the Son of God, seeks forgiveness from those whom they have offended and forgiving those whom they have offended and confessing these and all our sins to Christ through His instrument the unworthy priest and receives the seal of absolution."

MAKING LENT MEANINGFUL by V.Rev.Fr. George Morelli, Ph.D. http://www.antiochian.org/1141239213

Happy Birthday, Jesse!

34 years ago yesterday, in Misawa, Japan, Jesse Martin Pelikan was born. Our first born - the Japanese nurses said we were very blessed to have a son, and especially a boy with two dimples! Extra special! Kissed by angels, they said!

He and his sweet family live here in our neighborhood now, so we had a very nice birthday celebration last night. It was so great to finally be together for his birthday! It's been too long!

Check out Jesse's new blog: http://jpelikan.blogspot.com/

Also a great new site that Jesse has created: http://www.weeklywindow.com/

Jesse also designed our family website: http://pelikans.co-site.com/

Patience - Quiet Hope

Patience is quiet hope and trust that things will turn out right. You wait without complaining. You are tolerant and accepting of difficulties and mistakes. You picture the end in the beginning and persevere to meet your goals.

Patience is a commitment to the future.

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.~Helen Keller (1880 – 1968)

Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.

~ Brian Adams

Step Two

Step Two - Understand the Surf/Prioritize


Ok! You've slowed down and your ready to assess the situation. The first lesson in wave navigation begins on the beach. Never venture into the surf without first checking conditions for at least 15 minutes. It is not that uncommon to arrive at a beach and find it devoid of waves, only to swim out and be confronted by a "set" (sequence of three or four larger waves). I can't even begin to count how many times this has happened to me! The conditions on any given day will be governed by wind direction and velocity, swell direction and size, tides and bottom conditions - good grief!

Got a tough day ahead of you? Never venture back into the craziness without first checking the conditions.

Here's what to do:

Make a list of items that you need to accomplish and list them in order of importance. Putting your thoughts down on paper will help clear your mind. Let's face it, there are some days that ocean seems just too rough to go out on. If the waves are over 2 to 3 feet you may want to consider waiting for a better day. But, if you do decide to brave the surf, it is a good idea to study the wave pattern before you go. The breaking waves almost always come in sets of 6 to 8 followed by a calmer period. This is when you want to make your break for it.

Are you "braving the surf" today? Give some considerable thought to the day ahead. . . find the calm . . .take a deep breath. . . and go for it!

Overcome Being Overwhelmed

In today's hectic and fast-paced way of life, wouldn't you agree that it sure is easy to become overwhelmed? Let’s face it—most of us are trying to squeeze in something in our lives.

For those of us in the military we are usually juggling our normal family commitments on top of all the military ones, and very often filling in the gap left by a deployed spouse. Most experts will tell us that the best thing we can do for ourselves and everyone around us is to just slow down! Sounds simple, right? Ha! It’s not unlike the experience of having a big wave completely engulf you while playing in the surf at the beach.

When I was a young girl living in San Diego, I learned by trial and error to float in the calm water beyond the breakers and body surf on Southern California beaches. But getting to the calm water on the other side of the waves was tricky part! Surfing skill comes first from watching and understanding a wave as it breaks, so you are able to position yourself in the perfect spot to catch the wave or dodge it - whatever the case may be. After endless weekends, with hours and hours of observation and treacherous practice, I began to understand the power of the ocean. After many years, I found a rhythm. Not going against it – but working with the wave– it all became so much less overwhelming!

The dictionary defines “overwhelm” as “to become overwhelmed by a superior force.” Without a doubt, the point at which we become so overwhelmed by the heavy demands of life that we want to scream, cry with frustration or give up, comes from the buildup of pressure. How do we reduce this anxiety level? With a few simple steps:


Step One - Slow Down


This is the most important step of all. When stress crashes down on you like a wave, walk away from it to a place of safety, get your breath and assess the situation. Just getting out of the water can quickly calm you down and help you to get your thoughts in order so that you can start fresh. Away from the beach? Take a walk, meditate, or simply shut your door for a few minutes and listen to soothing music. At work? Sit in your car and do the same thing.



log on again in a few days (while I think about what to write) to read the next installment

Treasures

Someone said that grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old. Well, there is no doubt that this is true. These precious treasures light up a room and bring more joy in a single moment than I ever thought possible!

Here are some recent pictures taken of our three grandchildren. And just think . . . they all live within 100 yards of me. As someone put it to me the other day - a little bit of heaven!

Scroll down the page to view the pictures from Fr. Philip's Ordination

Saint Valentine

St. Valentine is a martyr from before the year 312, commemorated on the 14th of February. He was probably martyred on that date, but nothing else is known of him. (A Valentine, priest of Rome, and a Valentine, bishop of Ternia (Interamna), are both commemorated on 14 February, and now generally assumed to be the same person.) In many parts of Europe, it was once said that birds began to pair off for the nesting season in mid-February. Since our forebears often spoke of a given day by naming a saint connected with it rather than by giving the month and the number of the day, we find them saying that birds choose their mates on St. Valentine's day.

Historians have speculated that St. Valentine came to be given this title because his feast day fell around the time of Lupercalia, a pagan Roman festival of carnal love that later took on a more Christian character as well as the saint's name. For this to happen – if it is true – St. Valentine must have been highly regarded by the early Roman Christians. The saint is described as a brave, righteous and wise man and a kind and conscientious friend to those in need.

According to tradition, St. Valentine also cared deeply for the young: He taught lovers to read and write letters to one another, presented flowers to newlyweds and helped married couples in difficulties. As a priest in the third century, and according to legend, St. Valentine ignored Emperor Claudius’ decree that no more marriages were to take place. Claudius had forbidden marriages because he believed that they cut down on his potential crop of soldiers. Valentine, viewing this as unjust, continued to marry people, and was caught in the act and sentenced to death. It is said that a girl, whom Valentine had healed of blindness fell madly in love with him and visited him every night in prison. Before his execution on February 14th, he sent a note to the girl and signed it “From your Valentine.”

Burning, but not consumed

Beloved, the goal of our lives, believe it or not is to burn! Yes, burn, you heard me! Now I know that’s kind of weird because the preacher is supposed to teach you how “not” to burn. What I’m getting at is that we want to be “burning” with the fire of the Holy Spirit, but not be consumed in the process!
Resistance is what causes the heat to overwhelm us. Like the little electronic component of the same name, resistance brings overheating and “consumption;” …a “burned out circuit.” That’s what we don’t want. But if we’ll give ourselves to Him, without reservation, we’ll instead be like the three Hebrews who gave themselves to God in the face of evil Nebuchadnezzar, and were thrown into the fiery furnace for it. They so completely trusted God in obedience and utter submission, that instead of a place of pain and torment, the furnace became a comfort to them! They became like that bush, “burning, but not consumed.”

This is the reality of our calling. We have been called to receive Christ into our hearts, minds, souls, and into every aspect of or very being, and to actually “participate” in His divine life. Doing that as we pray, worship, and partake of the sacraments ignites a flame in us that burns so brightly that it actually begins to show on our faces, and unlike Moses, nothing can extinguish it. It will not fade away! In fact nothing can obscure it. Nor does He want us to obscure it, but rather wants us to let it shine to all those around us. We’re not to hide it under a bushel basket, but are to be as a shining city on a hillside, much like that burning bush, so that all who pass by, who turn aside to see this great thing, will come into contact with God Himself in us, and hopefully begin to see the possibility of they themselves being transformed as well!

(Part of a message from Fr. Philip last August)

Scroll down to view the pictures from Fr. Philip's Ordination

Family Traditions

I read an article recently that explored how family traditions cultivate the connection between immediate family members and between generations. It talked about the “we always" of families, like "we always make Spaghetti on Valentines Day" or "we always have games and popcorn on Saturday night." Because such traditions have special meaning to the family unit, they create feelings of warmth and closeness. By spending time together in a fun and special setting, family members grow closer.
The gaggle got together last Saturday night for a big spaghetti dinner at John & Rondi’s house (which for those of you who may not know is directly behind our house. We share the same back fence as you can see in the picture. . . our deck looking at John & Rondi's house) 13 of us all-together: Jesse & Elina, Misha, Elijjah, Gami & Grandpa, Papa & Mimi, Rondi & Karis, and just-arrived-back-from-a-two-and-a-half-month-vacation, Stephanie, Gabriel & Michael (who live in the same neighborhood a block away). In a few short months the family will be complete when daddy's Johnny and Brad come back home from Afghanistan. As the family has moved close to each other for the first time in many years, we are looking forward to establishing “we always” traditions of our own; traditions and practices that we repeat regularly with the intention of encouraging feelings of deep happiness and family unity. These will be more than run of the mill routines - everyday activities that require no special behavior and involve little emotion - I’m talking about the kind of traditions that are handed down from one generation to the next and that cultivate feelings of emotional closeness because the family isn’t neglecting one another.
Do you think it’s even possible to have too many family traditions? Is it possible to say “too often we do this or that?” I don’t really think so! But I guess if there were too many traditions it could water down the importance of each one; although, I think I might like to tackle such a problem as “You know those Pelikans? They have TOO MANY FAMILY TRADITIONS!” Ha!
I know that establishing new traditions will take preparation and effort, but I’m so glad to even have the opportunity of being able to try it. I’m especially interested in “Orthodox” family traditions that bring our family closer to God.
Please share some of your favorite family traditions with me in the comment box. I look forward to writing more about them in the near future.