Who We Are, Is Who We Were

As most of you know my husband and I live apart during the week, and then he comes home each weekend. Fr Dad, "Papa," then spends time with the family before he heads back down to Camp Lejeune (130 miles away) to repeat the process all over again for the next week. He is what is called a Geo-bachelor Chaplain at Camp Lejeune.



We spend a lot of time on the telephone (as you can well imagine), of course, and writing emails back and forth, and I wanted to share one email that he sent to me recently. It is especially significant during this Lenten Season and I pray this small glimpse into our lives will bless you in a measure as it did (and does) me:


Honey,

I love you and miss you a lot when I'm down here at the Marine base during the week. Even though we've been married for so long, I still understand that we have so much room to grow in our relationship, and I'm thankful that this growth will never stop. As we work our way through this Great Lent, I pray that whatever things I've said or done in the past that have caused you pain are fading to the point where your feelings and needs for ever increasing security with me are now stronger than ever. Yet I've learned enough to know that the past never really goes away, and that the mistakes we make and the thoughtless things we say and do, no matter how small, still can cause pain. I don't ever want to be like those stupid men who say "can't we just put this behind us?", because they really don't understand how much the past always remains a part of us.

I often remember the line from "Amastad" where John Quincy Adams eloquently lays out that most profound truth about our past:

Remember? (From the movie Amistad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amistad_%281997_film%29)

"What we've come to understand ... what we've been made to understand ... is that who we are ... is who we were!"

Everything we've thought about, acted upon, dreamed about and slipped into in the past comprises who we are now. That's why it's so important to be constantly repentant, and to focus on the good, the pure, and the things that are of good report, so that the future holds blessings for us and not curses. As we now know, the blessings or the curses that come upon us from God do not come from His capriciousness, but from Him in a singular flow of "energy," the effect of which is determined by our heart's disposition.

As we continue to move through this Lenten time, please forgive me for the stupid little lapses in caring for you, like the hurtful things I've said to you now and then. I feel very bad when it happens! And although I can't take them back I pray that having experienced the pain of what uttering them does to you, I will think more than twice before saying things like them again.

All my love,
+Me


We've come along way in our almost 36 years of marriage! It's easy to bring up things in the past (in an instant, actually!), and it can be painful sometimes. But it's who we are, because "who we are, IS who we were! I don't think I would change a thing now. And, if I were to "undo" anything, then I wouldn't be who I am now, and wouldn't be where I am in my life now.

(Having faith) Fight the good fight - Wage the good warfare! (1 Timothy 1:19)